O impagável Andy no Borowitz Report: Kerry Found With Duct Tape Over Mouth.

Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass), the 2004 Democratic nominee for President, was discovered today in a broom closet at Democratic National Committee headquarters in Washington, his hands bound behind his back and a strip of duct tape over his mouth.
The discovery of Sen. Kerry ended a nationwide manhunt after the former presidential candidate vanished Tuesday afternoon en route to an appearance on CNN’s “The Situation Room” with Wolf Blitzer.